what we had, even when we only watched each other from afar
by roomsickgirl
Summary: The brush of each other's hand, the stoic's watching eyes, and the quiet farewells. The tight grip on the coat, the soft presses on the neck, and the silent I love yous that echoed silently in the air.


copied from ao3. i wrote this shit at 10pm. im a sad potato.

Hiyoshi looked at his phone whilst walking down the pavement, covering his face with the scarf wrapped around his neck.

He was wondering if he should give Atobe a message, asking him how everything was going or if he was okay. He hadn't answered him a few days ago, and knowing that Atobe had been very busy overseas, Hiyoshi hadn't left him a call.

It has been nearly a decade since they last saw each other. The farewells they bid to each other was still fresh in his mind- the hugging, the kisses, the whisper in his ear that he recalled clearly, _I will come back soon_.

The brushing of the hands, the teasing of his old tennis team, and the slipping of the fingers as he walked towards his flight.

The goodbyes, the smiles, the tightening in his chest as he watched him step forward continuously.

Looking back just to smile at them, and unto Hiyoshi, reassuring him that he _will_ come back.

He was going off alone- Kabaji wasn't with him this time. He remembered looking to Kabaji, wondering how he was feeling when a friend of his childhood just slipped away from him.

He looked at the team, happy for Atobe, wishing him good lucks and teases, but in their eyes they would miss him. The person who had done so much for them was steps away from leaving.

In that scene, all of Atobe's pride had fallen. He didn't outdo what he did. He stood like a simple man when they recalled their memories he was sure to keep.

Hiyoshi only watched from afar, because Atobe had already bid Hiyoshi his goodbyes hours ago.

With the slightest brush of the lips, the grip on his back, his lips on his neck.

The team has already known about the two of them. They only teased, but the atmosphere was light enough that instead of just teasing, they understood what he felt. They all felt and understood each other's emotions.

They all knew they were going to part sooner or later, with memories only supporting them that their bond was still there no matter how much they would forget.

Atobe was the first to leave, and Hiyoshi only watched as he walked away.

" _Has work been catching up to you again? Take breaks- you know how stubborn you are."_

His thumb has been hovering over the send button, contemplating if he should.

Atobe hadn't answered to his messages or calls for the past few days, which was unusual because no matter how busy each other were, they would reply even with the shortest _I'm okay_ in every opportunity.

Hiyoshi was pissed, holding his phone and groceries tightly as he walked down the pavement.

Couldn't Atobe just answer him instead of making him worry?

But then again, he didn't really know what was going on on the other side of the world- but he was pissed, damn it!

Nearly a decade and he did this the first time ever since they called to each other moments after landed from his flight years ago.

Calls and talks and messages gradually becoming shorter over the years- from high school to college and to working- but always, there would be replies of reassurance when a question is asked.

Nothing was left unanswered, and this was the first time Atobe Keigo, _of all people_ , to just suddenly leave him hanging in the air.

" _I wish you were here."_

" _I could send you to England if you'd want."_

" _That was not what I meant, Keigo."_

He wished he was there to answer a small " _I'm fine."_ Fuck knows what happened to Atobe Keigo.

Just as he was about to put his phone in his pocket, he felt someone grab his arm tightly. His reflexes were there to act for him, but the grip was strong and his arm was cracked-frozen.

"Hey, what the hell are you…"

His arm went limp and he dropped his groceries, with an apple gently rolling off the plastic.

"This won't be good. You can't just drop them, Wakashi, they'd go to waste."

The grip from his arm disappeared as he crouched down to pick up the plastic.

Hiyoshi was _truly_ frozen, watching Atobe pick up his groceries for him with his… _smile._

This was not the signature smirk and quirk of the eyebrow Hiyoshi had known, but it was the smile that he showed before he stepped into his plane.

The smile was off- this was not the smirk of Atobe Keigo. He smiled like an ordinary man, but with the smile that gave off the warmth you feel _unworthy_ to be seen.

"K-keigo…"

"Let's go to your home, okay? I'll call the taxi."

Hiyoshi had his mouth agape when he looked at him. He was sure he'd come back with a latest car model. Hiyoshi could feel that Atobe would pick up randomly from the street and invite him back to his mansion. He did not expect that Atobe would call a taxi . _Atobe._

Hiyoshi squinted at him. "How would you know where I live?"

"I have my sources.

With that reply, Hiyoshi felt relieved that Atobe was his usual self again, though little.

The ride in the cab was quiet, yet Hiyoshi had a thousand questions in his head for him, but he only looked out the window with his throat constricting him from the unslipped words in his mind.

Their hands were resting on the seat, so close and barely touching, and Hiyoshi wanted so badly to grab them right there (and yet, he couldn't find himself to do it).

They arrive at an apartment and Atobe paid for the ride, and Hiyoshi went head first into the building; a signal for Atobe to follow him.

The anger inside him worsened the constricting throat- he didn't even say anything! And Atobe came back, just like that-

It was outrageous, but Hiyoshi only silently walked upstairs to the apartment, with only the sound of footsteps distracting him from his thoughts.

He was in front of his door, rummaging his pocket for his keys, feeling Atobe's silent, _uncanny_ , presence behind him. He was patient, just watching.

Hiyoshi froze.

"This isn't like you." his words shook as he whispered. "You would be in your car and go to your fancy mansion and tell us that you're here."

"Wakashi-"

"You would invite us and you would throw a reunion party for the old team."

His hand held the doorknob tightly, wanting so badly to look at Atobe, and badly fighting his stinging eyes away.

"You don't just come back. You come back with a surprise, but _this_ …?"

"Wakashi."

His stern voice made Hiyoshi's hand tighten around the doorknob painfully, the keys rattling gently in the lock.

"I missed you so much."

The gentle words from the so-called ice king. The words that warmed the ice castle and the words that softened his heart. Hiyoshi shook and his groceries dropped, but all he could see in those moments were the faint sunlight from the gray clouds and the fading paint of the building.

All he had felt was his arm tightly wrapped around Atobe's back, and Atobe's arms lifted in frozen shock in Hiyoshi's sudden action. Hiyoshi's fingers bent with force on his coat, pressing onto his back.

His breaths shook as he buried his head on Atobe's neck, pained tears rolling down from his eyes as he felt Atobe as a whole again- after all those years.

"You piss me off," Hiyoshi's muffled voice said. "You make me fucking angry."

 _And I missed you so much and you finally came back. I'm angry at you, but I wanted you back so much._

Just then, he felt his back wrapped around, and soft hair tickling his skin, and soft lips pressing to his neck and his hot breaths muttering something, but Hiyoshi's sobs had broke off and he only heard his shaking voice.

The arms around his back gripped tighter and Hiyoshi felt Atobe's chest heave, then he felt tears on his neck.

"I missed you so much, Wakashi. I'm sorry." His lips pressed his neck again. "I missed you and I love you."

So silent, yet so warm.

Just around each other, quiet sobs in hallway with the two tightly gripping each other for what seemed like hours for them. _It all came crashing down and coming back, Nothing on my mind but him and all we had done these years we had and without each other._

"I love you, too."

It was no question, yet he had to reply, the unspoken rule for reassurance.

The silent _I love you_ s, the warm skin and scarf and coats, the hands tightly bent on each other just to never be let go.

please be so kind as to leave reviews! they are very much appreciated and helps me a lot as a growing artist :^) 


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